This past week, I taught my last class for the semester at the University of Southern California’s Gould School of Law. The online course entitled Employment Dispute Mediation teaches the students how to mediate “from soup to nuts.” Many of the students are Human Resource (HR)  professionals, which makes my job challenging. Several years ago, during the first year of teaching this course, I learned that  HR professionals approach conflict resolution differently: find out the problem, fix it very quickly, and move on! It is almost a triage approach to conflict resolution.

These HR professionals, who initially approached conflict resolution with a ‘triage’ mindset, soon and very quickly learned that this is NOT how mediation works. Mediation takes time, and one must allow the psychology of the process to work: a mediator can not rush the negotiation “dance,” and any attempt to do so will result in failure. This transformation in their approach, from quick-fix to patient understanding, is a testament to their growth and adaptability.

The students are assigned various topics during the semester on a discussion board. The last assignment of the semester is a reflection:

 Describe three of the most important things you have learned and/or skills that you have developed (or improved) from your participation in this course that you believe will benefit you in responding to disputes in your employment (or in other contexts where you encounter conflict and have the responsibility for its management). ( Moodle website for this course)

Reading through the students’ posts, I found that many highlighted the art of “active listening.” As the textbook we use explains, “active listening” is the ability to “…paraphras[e] back to the speaker the essential content, feelings or interests expressed in the speaker’s statement…” ((Frankel, Douglas N., and Stark, James H., The Practice of Mediation, A Video-Integrated Text ( 3rd. ed.  Wolters Kluwer, New York 2018) at §6.10.1 at 166.) That is, there are three types of active listening: to listen for the content of what the speaker is stating and reflect that; to listen for the feelings or emotion underlying the words and identify those emotions  back to the speaker; and to listen for the interests underlying the statements of the speaker (e.g., security, safety, financial well-being, etc.) and express those back to the speaker. (Id.)

It struck me that many of the students who noted that one of the most important concepts they learned was active listening are HR professionals. Moreover, they phrased this concept in terms of “listening to understand” rather than “listening to respond” or listening better and slowing down.

Reading these posts made me realize I accomplished my goal:  teaching HR professionals a new way to resolve conflicts.

Listening to understand rather than simply to respond is a concept that is not only useful to HR professionals, but to all of us. It’s a skill that can enhance our relationships, both professional and personal. One of my trainers early in my career pointed out that we have two ears and one mouth for a reason; to listen rather than to speak or respond. This simple yet profound advice underscores the value of ‘listening to understand’ in our interactions.

If the world, in general, listened to understand rather than listened to respond, what a much better place it would be.

… Just something to think about.

 

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