In her book, Talk: The Science of Conversation and The Art of Being Ourselves, Alison Wood Brooks (Crown Books, New York 2025) discusses a depressing statistic in her chapter “L is for Levity”. At age 23, 84 percent of those questioned reported smiling and laughing a lot the day before. By age 50, this percentage is reduced to 68 percent. By age 80, it is down to 61 percent. It then rebounds, but only a little bit. (Id. at 98.) The upshot: as we grow older, we become more serious more of the time.

Which is not suitable for resolving disputes or having enjoyable conversations. In her chapter on Levity, Professor Brooks states that levity brings a lot to any conversation. It is not just a matter of outright laughter. Levity can make a conversation exciting, joyous, and happy. (Id. at 94-95.) “Levity is any conversational move- playful, funny, unexpected, warm- that infuses positive energy.” (Id. at 95.) She notes that studies have shown that “feeling happy provokes greater creativity, leading people to generate more ideas” (Id. at 97).

Quoting German essayist Walter Benjamin, the author notes, “There is no better trigger for thinking than laughter.” (Id.) The professor continues:

When we are happy and engaged, our mindset changes. We widen the scope of our attention. We consider more things we could do, which improves our creativity and the decisions we actually make. Our bodies also feel it. One good laugh can relieve physical tension and relax our muscles for up to forty-five minutes and lower our blood pressure significantly. “ (Id at 96.) (emphasis original.)
More importantly, levity provides a sense of psychological safety, defined as “the belief that you won’t be punished or humiliated for speaking up with ideas, questions, concerns, or mistakes in a group. (Id at 97).

Thus, you will be willing to participate more in the conversation or be more open, candid, and honest in a negotiation when speaking privately with the mediator!

Bringing humor into a conversation does not necessarily mean cracking a joke. It is very context-driven, context-sensitive, or dependent. (Id. at 99- 102.) It can be self-deprecating or simply a quip responding to someone else’s words. (Id. at 103-111.) It can be an off-the-wall or a minor (but very weird) digression in response to a comment made by another. (Id. at 112.)

The trick is not to be so serious. The trick is to bring excitement, joy, and happiness into the conversation, to make it fun.

I have seen this at work both in my mediations and in teaching. I find that cracking jokes or making a quip or comment in response to what someone else has said does wonders to lighten the mood and relieve the stress and tension of either trying to negotiate a settlement on a challenging issue or having my students absorb and understand a complex problem. Levity makes learning fun. And levity makes negotiating easier or at least a bit more enjoyable.

So laugh more, especially if you are way older than 23, and bring a little levity into your next conversation or dispute.

… Just something to think about!

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