Anyone studying conflict resolution quickly learns that there are five styles to resolving conflicts: avoidance, competition, collaborating, accommodating and compromising (styles)
Avoidance “… is knowing that there is a conflict but choosing not to deal with it.” (Id.) If we do not acknowledge or talk about the conflict, maybe it (and the person connected to it) will go away??? (Id.)
Another word for “avoidance” could be “procrastination.” A recent post in LiveScience entitled, “Why do We Procrastinate?” (Written by Sascha Pare and published on January 8, 2024.) notes that “… at its heart, procrastination is about avoidance….Rather than the task itself, it’s often about the emotions attached to an activity that cause people to recoil. “ (Id. at 1-2.)
Professor of Psychology Fuschia Sirois at the University of Durham in the United Kingdom, notes that at the root of procrastination is our emotions:
In a 2021 brain imaging study, Sirois and her colleagues found that college students with a higher volume of gray matter in the left dorsolateral prefrontal cortex — a region of the brain associated with self-control — were less prone to procrastination than their peers were. The more neural connections there were between this part of the brain and the frontal regions, the better the students were at regulating negative emotions, focusing on long-term benefits and sticking with tasks. Those with fewer connections between those areas were more likely to procrastinate at the cost of future rewards, the researchers concluded.(Id. at 3.)….
A 2018 study also showed that the threat detection center of the brain, the amygdala, tends to be larger, and therefore more sensitive, in people who procrastinate. “The threat can be something tiny,” Sirois said — how to word an email, for example. But the anticipated discomfort may be strong, so the urge to avoid discomfort may override any considerations of the consequences of not completing the task.
The fewer connections that existed between the amygdala and another region of the brain called the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex, which determines how we react to perceived threats, the more likely people were to put things off, according to the study. (Id. at 3.)
In short, it seems that this style of conflict resolution (and perhaps all of the other styles as well) is emotionally based. So, to ask an avoider to stop avoiding may be easier said than done as we cannot always control our emotions!
…. Just something to think about.
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