I have a dog named Buddy. He bit me! OUCH! We were walking around a lake, and he spotted a dead fish that one of the birds had taken from the lake and then discarded on shore.

I tried to take it from him (we never taught him the command “to drop it” or “leave it!”). He disagreed and bit my left forefinger. Unfortunately, I am left-handed. A visit to urgent care fixed me up, but it will be a few weeks before it heals completely.

Reflecting on my misfortune, I saw this as a teaching moment in negotiation styles. There are five styles: competitive,  accommodating, avoiding, compromising,  and collaborating.

In a competitive bargain, one person wins, and the other loses. Each bargainer is more concerned with their own needs and interests than their adversary’s and so bargains solely with the idea of “winning.” It is distributive bargaining in which there is a “fixed pie.” The issue is how much more of the pie one party can have than the other. (Id.)

An accommodating bargainer feels just the opposite. They are so concerned with appeasing the other party that they are willing to lose the negotiation so that the other party wins! To the bargainer, part of “winning” is giving the other person what they want, even to their detriment. (Id.)

A bargainer who avoids puts her head in the sand, hoping it will disappear. This bargainer dislikes conflict so much that she avoids it at all costs. As a result,  both parties lose! (Id.)

The negotiator who compromises wins a little but also loses a little. Each side gets some but not all of what they want or need. This often occurs when the parties agree to split the difference.  As a result, each party walks away only partially satisfied with the outcome, as they won some but did not get everything they wanted or needed.  (Think Rolling Stones- “You can’t always get what you want…but if you try sometimes, you’ll… get what you need”)

The final style is collaborative, or one in which both parties win. This is integrative bargaining or “expanding the pie” bargaining. Each side is interested in meeting its own needs and interests but, simultaneously, wants to learn about the needs and interests of the other party. Then, they brainstorm and analyze options to find a solution that meets both parties’ needs and interests. As a result, each side wins: it is a win-win resolution.

Back to Buddy: Which negotiation style did we “engage in”? I am pretty sure it started as “competitive.” There was a “fixed pie”—the dead fish. He wanted all of it, and so did I  (but for a different reason—to keep him from being poisoned!).  But it became a “compromise” as I got some dead fish away from him. Only when I tried to get the little bit remaining in his mouth did I get bitten. We each walked away, “winning” some ( Buddy  still  had a bit of fish, and so did I) and losing some- Buddy did not have all of the fish, and I got bitten!)

This shows that even during a single negotiation, styles can change.

Should I have “avoided” the negotiation altogether? Probably not, as I care too much for Buddy! Should I have been” accommodating”? No—again, I am concerned with Buddy’s health and well-being. And “collaboration” would not have worked in this situation.

So- while to some, this may be a story about a dog bite, to others, it is a teaching moment. It is all a matter of perspective.

… Just something to think about!

 

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