I just finished reading a book for our book club- The Catalyst: How to Change Anyone’s Mind by Jonah Berger (Simon & Shuster Paperbacks, New York (2020)) (“Catalyst”)
As one might glean from the title, the book’s goal is to explain how to get people to change their minds through self-persuasion. To do this, one must “remove[] roadblocks and lower[] the barriers that keep people from taking action” (Id. at 7.) or act as a catalyst.
The author points out that people act with inertia: “They tend to do what they have always done.” (Id. at 6.) Typically, when we want to get someone to change, we tend to push, and if met with resistance, we push harder, hoping that will get them to change. (Id.) So, we provide more facts, more evidence, more reasons etc. But it will not work. They do not roll over and agree with us; they simply push back or perhaps do the opposite of what they are being asked to do! (Id. at 4-6.)
The author identifies five principles: Reactance, Endowment, Distance, Uncertainty and Corroborating Evidence. (Id. at 11-14.). I will discuss Reactance in this blog and devote subsequent blogs to the remaining principles.
Reactance reminds me very much of self-determination. Standard I of the Model Standards of Conduct for Mediators is entitled “Self-determination” and ,in part, provides that “Self-determination is the act of coming to a voluntary, uncoerced decision in which each party makes free and informed choices as to process and outcome.” That is, each party is to have autonomy and freedom and control over their decisions. (Catalyst, supra, at 20-21) “People like to feel they have control over their choices and actions.” (Id. at 23.) To establish this sense of autonomy, people will “react against persuasion. They do the opposite of whatever is being requested.” (Id. at 24.) That is, their anti-persuasion radar activates. (Id. at 25.) They will ignore what you are suggesting or perhaps do the opposite. (Id. at 25-26.)
To get them to self-persuade, provide a menu; ask, don’t tell; highlight a gap; and start with understanding (Id. at 30.) By” providing a menu,” the author suggests giving the person some options. Rather than telling the person that X is the only way to do something, give them the option of doing either X or Y- a guided choice. By providing a menu of choices, people will feel that they are still in control of the situation, even if limited. (Id. at 31-33.)
A second key is to ask questions rather than tell. Much like the Socratic method or the facilitative mediator, by asking questions, the listener is forced to think of how to answer the question rather than merely arguing with you. It forces them to think more deeply about the issue and more importantly, will cause them both to commit to a conclusion and to be consistent, to stick with that conclusion. (Id. at 33-38.)
The next key is to fill in the gap between a person’s actions and their thoughts. The author gives an example of smoking. We all know that smoking is bad for our health, yet many of us engage in the behavior. The trick is to highlight the gap between what people know about smoking and their actions. “People strive for internal consistency. They want their attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors to align. “(Id. at 41.) Or, to quiet the cognitive dissonance. Helping people see this disconnect will help fill in the gap.
And finally, there is understanding, or active listening. It is important to build trust and to do that, one must listen without judgment to what the other is saying. Let the other person speak so that they feel heard and acknowledged (using empathy.). Make it all about them, not about you. Once you have built that understanding and trust, you can use the other key points to help them convince themselves to change; that is, self-persuasion. It becomes their idea to change rather than yours. (Id. at 43-49.)
As an old proverb states, “You can lead a horse to water but can’t make it drink!” Or more to the point, you can provide people with an opportunity but cannot force them to take them. ( Horse )
… Just something to think about.
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