Like many folks, I have watched the Summer Olympics occasionally during the last week or so. The one thing that struck me is that not only are the competitors racing against each other, but they are racing against the clock, trying to set new world and/or Olympic records. Can the women run the 100 meters in less than 10.49 seconds? Can the women swim the 1500-meter freestyle in less than 15.30 minutes? Can the equestrians do the show jumping with no faults in less than the time allowed for the round? And so on…
Mediation, in stark contrast, is a process that demands patience. Time is not an adversary here but a crucial ally. It’s a journey, not a sprint. One can’t rush it, as I often remind my students. One can’t just start a mediation, hear everyone’s side, and then propose a solution within 15 -30 minutes. It’s a process that unfolds over time, allowing each party to be heard and understood. Hearing, understanding, and acknowledging each other is crucial to the process.
The process cannot be rushed. Trying to do so will cause the mediation to fail. For this reason, the mediator will often slow the process down to allow the parties to work through the issues. I frequently liken mediation to the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The parties often start the mediation, denying everything and any guilt (it is the other party’s fault!) As the different perspectives are shared, the parties may get angry, claiming the other party’s perspective is simply inaccurate. But as new information is shared, each party gains a new perspective, and the party’s anger slowly turns to bargaining and gradually to depression and acceptance. As anyone who has attended a mediation knows, this process will take hours, if not days.
So, while the fastest time may be the goal in the Olympics, taking one’s time and slowing things down to allow the process to evolve to a resolution is the goal of mediation.
…. Just something to think about.
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