My husband decided to purchase windshield wiper blades at Costco for our Audi.  A few days later, when we took the Audi in for repair, we asked  the repair person to put on the new blades. He advised that they were the wrong ones and would order the correct ones for us.

A week or so later, the repair shop called to say the new blades had arrived and so I took the Audi to the repair shop. While the front blades were correct, the one for the back window was not the correct one.

A  few days later,  I called the repair shop to see if the new blade for the back window had arrived. One of the employees- I will call him “John”- answered and sounded very angry and upset and his tone of voice was very curt and abrupt as if I had done something wrong. Invoking the mediator within me, I did not react and remained polite and thanked him.

An hour or so later, John called asking for my husband. I told him that I was the wife. This seemed to upset him because he did not have my name on his computer, and he went around and around with me about being a different person answering the phone. This apparently frustrated him. To him, the absence of my name in the computer was another “mistake’.

Once we got past that, he told me he had ordered the new blade, and it would be in by noon. His tone remained one of anger, frustration  and upset.  Rather than reacting to the tone and getting “nasty” back, I commented that it sounded as though he was angry and asked him what was wrong. He started to explain that he was frustrated about all of the mistakes that the shop was making and that he was the one that had to “clean them up”. I tried in the nicest way -using my best mediator approach- to explain  that his tone  made it seem as if I had done something wrong rather than others. I remained polite and thanked him for the call.

Later that day, I went to the repair shop to get the new blade. John immediately handed me a note of apology explaining that the repair shop had made three mistakes with my rear window wiper blade, and he was simply trying to correct the problem and got very frustrated about the whole thing.

I accepted his apology and in the nicest way explained that unintentionally, he comes across as being angry  and is thus taking his frustration with his fellow employees out on customers. He mentioned that he is having this same issue with his wife and that he finds that  the best way to deal with it is to walk away, write a note of explanation and hand it to her. I suggested that he be very transparent with his wife; tell her what his is mode of operation  and why; essentially to communicate. He also noted that the wife complains that he is not supportive and so I suggested he ask her how he can be more supportive. What does she want in the way of support?  I also suggested that he and wife attend counseling and try to save their marriage.

When I asked how much I owed for the blades, he refused payment.

I guess the moral is that being able to actively listen and try to figure out what is really going on with someone rather than simply reacting to someone’s tone is crucial not just in mediations but in everyday life.

I  drove away  from the repair shop feeling that I had helped someone perhaps improve his most important relationship- his marriage. It is all about transparency and communication. As I explained to him, one cannot  assume that the other knows what you are thinking or why you are doing something: you must be transparent and explain yourself.  We are not mind readers. As I suggested to him, while we can control our own actions, we cannot control how others respond. That is why it is crucial to communicate and be transparent so that others do not take “it” the wrong way!

Transparency and communication: Just something to think about!

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